True Trust...

Tina, a dear friend from childhood {2nd grade to be exact}, wrote about True Trust on her blog today.

My heart is rejoicing at this post. 

I went to the doctor yesterday. 

I stared at the black hole on the screen, wishing more than anything that there was a baby there. 

I tried to listen as she explained that my uterus has not shrunk as it should have and that my body is still producing pregnancy hormones and thinks I am pregnant ~ which is why I am still tired and having morning sickness. 

I longed for the sound of a whooshing heartbeat to suddenly burst into the room and convince me that this was all just a nightmare I could wake up from.

I felt my heart sink as the doctor explained that I would need to have a D&C.

I rode in the passenger seat home as my dearest spoke words of kindness and comfort.

Jen, my Be Fri {we were children of the 80's... it's just the way it was :)  }  sent me a perfect stack of pamphlets and books on dealing with miscarriage.  She works in hospice.  She gets grief.  She loves to help educate people.  It's how she rolls.  I am so thankful and really don't know what I would do without her.

Brian and I spent the evening reading beautiful poetry and stories from these books and learned what a D&C would actually mean for me physically.

I also spent time on Lynette's blog, absorbing her words of wisdom and encouragement.

I want to "Rejoice in the Lord always" but I was just NOT feeling it.

I am sad.  And mad. 

The nurses were discussing that it was probably twins because my levels are so high.  That STINKS.

And then.  I read Tina's post.  My goodness. 

My faith, my trust and my hopes are currently resting atop a mountain of "How am I feeling today".

This is not true trust.

My faith, my trust and my hopes must be found in God.  His character is unchanging.  His love is unswerving.  He loves me no matter how I feel.  His plan for my life is for success. 

Today, I will crawl up into the lap of My Savior.  I will cry when I need to cry.  I will soak up the truth in His Words.  I will thank Him for my lovely friends who shine His truth so that I can see in my darkness.

Comments

[baby shower invitations]

kate its all depend on your life style and thinking.

[Kim P.]

Dearest Kate,
I wish words could heal you, both physically and emotionally, then I would know that you would be healed quickly. This kind of loss is never so simple. My heart breaks just thinking about you and your husband. Please, give your self time to grieve your loss. There is no time limit. Good will always be there no matter what so feel free to express yourself to him, he'll listen. I recommend yelling, he'll still listen...that's why he's so great! Dear Friend, I will pray for you tonight. KIM

[tinuviel]

What to say? Your response humbles me and moves me to gratitude that the Lord would connect us to each other and Himself through words this way. At the same time, I am so grieved with you in your loss.

Remember, lament is worship, too: 1/3 of the Psalms, much of Job, all of Lamentations. Jesus wept at his friend's grave. In our sorrows we have fellowship with Him. Even your tears please your Father.

You remain in my prayers and heart!

[MEG DUERKSEN]

it is so sad and hard to go through.
your hormones go crazy, on top of the emotions, and the disappointment and then your body is freaking out because the plans have changed.
it is an exhausting experience.
i am so sorry kate.
there is no easy way through it either.
BUT like you said GOD IS GOOD.
in all things, in all times, unchanging and unswerving.
he is our hope.

i will be thinking and praying for you.

ps...i got an awesome birthday gift in the mail....you are way too nice to me miss kate!

[carissa... brown eyed fox]

oh kate...
i am so sorry!
praying for you... holding you there!
God's grace be upon you.